Been A While

A lot has transpired since that last post. As most of you know, I miscarried in January at 9 weeks (the day before my birthday). Since then, we have given up on "trying" for now. At 40, I'm not sure it is in the cards for us. But, I have been working on a "labor of love" lately. It is called SweetBabyBump.com and is a Trying to Conceive, Pregnancy and Parenting website. As most of you know, I was big into TWW while I was pregnant with Kaden, and after his death went back while we were TTC. I got so much support there from my on-line friends that I wanted to create that experience for someone else. If you get a chance, go by and check it out. You will always find me there....

CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

It has been forever since I updated Kaden's blog. This was always about our journey with him, not about what was going on in our daily lives. This time of year is particularly difficult for me. I know this would have been the Christmas where Kaden would have been old enough to really be excited about the tree and the presents. I remember that so well with the other kids and there is something magical about that age and Christmas. I know he is spending his Christmas with his angel friends. I know he knows how much we all love and miss him.

This Christmas has brought us new hope. We are pregnant again and are praying with all we have that this will be our "bring home baby". So far, so good. It is hard not to be scared that something will happen, but I really have a good feeling and am enjoying every day. Please keep us in your prayers and I will keep you all updated.

Hope you all have a great holiday season filled with family and friends and lots of love :o)

Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday

A year ago today we began that horrible CDH rollercoaster ride. Getting to see Kaden for the first time, being so scared that things would turn out like they did. I wouldn't trade the 17 days with him for anything but I wouldn't want to relive them for anything either. We were such a mess...not prepared--like you could ever really prepare for that ride. I am sad today thinking about the "what should have beens" for you. We would be having a birthday party for you this Easter weekend, but instead I am just trying to get thru the day with my "best" face. In actuallity, these next 17 days are gonna be rough. It feels like it was yesterday, but a year has already passed. We all miss you terribly, and love you so much! I hope that you and Max get to have cupcakes!

"Minor" disappointment :o(

Well, looks like this little bean wasn't "sticky" enough to hang in there. I am not "devestated", but definately disappointed. We are excited to be trying again this month and I feel like we are finally on the right path to being able to get pregnant again. Keep us in your prayers, and maybe we will get a Christmas Baby! We appreciate all your support and will definately keep you updated.

Our St. Patty's Day Gift From Kaden

First I would like to point out that my sweet little man is wearing his St. Patty's Day hat in the picture to the right. It was taken shortly after he was born, and before I got to see him. His Grandma Mary (who's VERY Irish) put it on him and took his picture. It has always been one of my favorites. Well, yesterday, on St. Patty's Day, Kaden sent his Mommy and Daddy new hope for a baby to love. After trying fertility treatments from August to December, we decided to take a few months off and give me time to heal--physically and emotionally. I knew I was not ready to give up our dream of having a baby together, so I took the time to get serious about preparing my "old" body for a new baby. I started an organic diet, minimal meat, no processed foods, etc. etc. and I started taking some natural supplements that were suppose to increase egg quality and overall fertility health. So, this month we decided to try again....but with NO fertility drugs, and just do the IUI! As you can see.....it WORKED!!!

New baby Kuehl will be here approximately November 29, 2010! Just in time for the holidays! I have to say I was so dreading Kaden's 1st birthday coming and me not being pregnant...my little man knows my heart so well!!

Eleven Months Old

Today is the 11 month marker. Hard to believe that Kaden would have been a almost a year old. Time seems to be flying by so quickly. Not that I want it to stand still or anything, but as each day passes, I feel farther from him. This experience has been the hardest time in my life. And I think our inability to get pregnant again makes it worse. I really miss having Kaden in my tummy where he was safe and okay. I think back to the day he was born and how hectic everything was. I wish I could relive that time when he was here. I know I would do some things differently. I would give anything just to be able to hold him again, even though I only got to hold him once when we were saying goodbye. I miss holding his hands and touching his full head of hair. I miss his little feet. I just miss you baby.

Daddy's new tattoo in memory of Kaden Alex Kuehl

Here is the finished product...After 5 1/2 hours of pure pain. Craig said it really hurt, and he had to lay flat, but it was nothing compared to what Kaden had to do in those precious 17 days. I am getting mine next. Something on my foot. Don't quite know what yet...