"Minor" disappointment :o(

Well, looks like this little bean wasn't "sticky" enough to hang in there. I am not "devestated", but definately disappointed. We are excited to be trying again this month and I feel like we are finally on the right path to being able to get pregnant again. Keep us in your prayers, and maybe we will get a Christmas Baby! We appreciate all your support and will definately keep you updated.

Our St. Patty's Day Gift From Kaden

First I would like to point out that my sweet little man is wearing his St. Patty's Day hat in the picture to the right. It was taken shortly after he was born, and before I got to see him. His Grandma Mary (who's VERY Irish) put it on him and took his picture. It has always been one of my favorites. Well, yesterday, on St. Patty's Day, Kaden sent his Mommy and Daddy new hope for a baby to love. After trying fertility treatments from August to December, we decided to take a few months off and give me time to heal--physically and emotionally. I knew I was not ready to give up our dream of having a baby together, so I took the time to get serious about preparing my "old" body for a new baby. I started an organic diet, minimal meat, no processed foods, etc. etc. and I started taking some natural supplements that were suppose to increase egg quality and overall fertility health. So, this month we decided to try again....but with NO fertility drugs, and just do the IUI! As you can see.....it WORKED!!!

New baby Kuehl will be here approximately November 29, 2010! Just in time for the holidays! I have to say I was so dreading Kaden's 1st birthday coming and me not being pregnant...my little man knows my heart so well!!

Eleven Months Old

Today is the 11 month marker. Hard to believe that Kaden would have been a almost a year old. Time seems to be flying by so quickly. Not that I want it to stand still or anything, but as each day passes, I feel farther from him. This experience has been the hardest time in my life. And I think our inability to get pregnant again makes it worse. I really miss having Kaden in my tummy where he was safe and okay. I think back to the day he was born and how hectic everything was. I wish I could relive that time when he was here. I know I would do some things differently. I would give anything just to be able to hold him again, even though I only got to hold him once when we were saying goodbye. I miss holding his hands and touching his full head of hair. I miss his little feet. I just miss you baby.

Daddy's new tattoo in memory of Kaden Alex Kuehl

Here is the finished product...After 5 1/2 hours of pure pain. Craig said it really hurt, and he had to lay flat, but it was nothing compared to what Kaden had to do in those precious 17 days. I am getting mine next. Something on my foot. Don't quite know what yet...

7 Month Angel~versary

It has been seven months now since you have been gone from me. It still hurts like it was yesterday, but it does seem, somewhat, in the distant past. Life continues on without you, but you are never far from my thoughts. I have talked to other women who have lost babies, some of them over 40 years ago, and it seem that my pain of losing you will always be here-until we can be together again. But I am okay with that. It means that you will always be with me, even through my pain of missing you. I still look at your sweet face every day and miss having you safe in my tummy doing your Kung-fu-fighting. I really miss that. I had so much love to give you, we all did. I just hope that you can feel it still. We all really miss you, what we dreamed for you and wanted for you. I love you baby boy...

Candles for our babies

Last night was Infant Loss Awareness Night, and Craig & I (and all our friends) had dinner at our house and lit candles for just some of the babies that have touched our lives. It is so bitter-sweet...I was so sad that there were so many names to list (I am sure I forgot someone). All of our bags had the names of CDH babies, ones who's stories we followed, and ones who's families were such a great support for us during our journey with Kaden. There was just one baby, Brendon, that died from SIDS on Wednesday. His mom, Carrie, was one of my Two-week-Wait friends and she was very supportive of me during my pregnancy. Her twin boys were born about 2 weeks before Kaden. I know her pain has to be unimaginable. Please pray for her family during this extremely difficult time.

Mommy's Letter to Daddy

Now that things for the most part have returned to normal--whatever "normal" is for a family that has lost a child, I want to say some things to my best friend that for one reason or another have recently gone unsaid. I am so thankful that you found me, that you love me and that we have Jess and Christopher and Logan. I have never known a love like the love you give to me. I KNOW, without hesitation, that I am your world. That there is no one that you love more than me, and no one that I love more than you. Just thinking of you makes my heart smile and when we are apart (ie:you go to work) it is crazy how much I miss you. I know I have been an emotional roller coaster ride, not myself since losing Kaden, but you hang in there and love me still (sometimes it has to be difficult). I know it hurts you when I am sad, and it is not my intention ever to cause you pain or make you upset. There are things that I have to work thru in my own time, and just know that when I get sad it is not because of you, or something that you have done, but because I really miss our little guy. I am already so blessed to have 3 great kids that I sometimes feel selfish that I want another one. But my desire to have a baby with you is so deep it consumes me. I know it will happen, I am just trying to be patient. Anyway, I want you to know how much I love you--not that "I love you" ever goes unsaid in our daily life. But when I say it, I really mean it....